Procrastination: The 2 reasons you do it

procrastination

Over the years I have dealt with more than my share of procrastination.  Why more than my share?  Because procrastination is a hot topic in my office!  Not a week goes by that I don’t do some form of healing on procrastination, helping get people moving on the things that are important to them.  I can tell you that no matter what your situation, procrastination comes down to just two simple drivers.  Every.  Single.  Time.  If you are putting something off it has both of these factors.

The number one reason you’re procrastinating? 

#1:  You don’t have enough information

When you don’t have enough information it’s hard to act.  Examples of this?

There is an element of this item that you don’t know how to do.  You need a new skill.

You’re not convinced.  Of the pay off, of the value, of the effectiveness, what ever.  You don’t have enough meaningful information to make this compelling to you.

#2:  Your decision will create conflict.

Conflict comes in differnt forms.  These forms can be:

  • An internal emotional conflict, usually fear or worry. 
  • head/heart conflict between thinking and feeling.  Your head says one thing (logic, predictable, societal norms) and your heart says something else.
  • A physical conflict – taking action will create physical pain or discomfort in your body.
  • Relationship conflict – taking action on your item may hurt, anger, worry, or make important people in your life uncomfortable.
  • Benefit Conflict – the benefit of not taking action outweighs the benefit of taking action.

Watching TV on Thanksgiving

Relaxing on ThanksgivingCreative Commons License photo credit: flash.pro
My family spent the Thanksgiving holiday at my sister’s house.  My mom and mother-in-law joined us.  Of all the adult men, Jeff (my husband) spent the most time hanging out with the family and being social.

But on Friday he did the opposite.  He spent the entire day in the TV room laying on the couch and sleeping or watching TV.  And to top it off, his mother did this too.  That audacity of it!  (or so I thought…)

I was so confused by this behavior and was pretty annoyed that they were being so anti-social.  But what I’ve come to realize is that they just couldn’t take the energy of my family anymore!  We (me, my mom, and sister) have a much more intense and jagged energy compared to Jeff’s family.  His family’s (especially Jeff and his mom) essence is much calmer and slower.  In addition to this, Jeff is very sensitive to other people’s vibrations which leaves him vulnerable when there’s a bunch of intense energy people (like my family) in one place.  He’s learned how to filter my vibration, but multiply me by three, and well, you get the picture.

Then it dawned on my that my sister and I diffuse our energy by talking (like lifting the lid off a pot so it doesn’t boil over) whereas Jeff diffuses his energy by retreating (taking the pie out of the oven to cool off).  I’ve never seen this as clearly as I did this weekend.

I’ve always been critical of Jeff  when he withdraws from me.  You can imagine my chagrin when I realized that this is actually the healthiest decision for him.  Which is funny because I’m always nagging him to take better care of himself!

Lesson learned?  Next time you (or I) feel the need to tell someone what we think is best for them, hold up.  Take a moment to watch what happens.  They might actually know what they’re doing!